inside our marriage
I had to go back and see what made me spark the question in the first place. I talked about daily intentions on my Instagram story last week, which J and I learned from our marriage counselor, and then I asked if y’all wanted to know more. I got so much feedback, questions, and curiosities so here we are. I’m taking y’all inside our marriage and spilling the details on a very personal subject for Jackson and I, marriage counseling.
p.s. I’m sharing my favorite photos of us throughout this post. Aren’t we cute?
Just to lay it all out there, I’m obviously not an expert in the subject. I am only sharing my opinions, our experiences, and our lives with y’all. So take it or leave it. By being super vulernable and sharing details inside our marriage with y’all, we hope that other couples can feel like they aren’t alone.
First off, I had to convince Jackson to let me write this post. I didn’t even think it would bother him at all so I didn’t ask his opinion on posting about it on my stories. How ironic, because we have grown so much in this short time, but then I forgot that there are two people involved in this process. I read him all the dm’s y’all sent me about the topic and he (reluctantly) said okay. I think this topic is just so taboo. You’re supposed to get married and know how to do it all? Yes, we get little tidbits of advice like “don’t go to bed mad” and “a happy wife is a happy life”, which are shared with love. However, in the end that doesn’t give us answers to sort through this life-long commitment.
Our therapist said it best, “You’re supposed to keep up with the Jones’, but don’t even understand how the f*** the Jones’ keep up”.
why we go
We weren’t near the brink of divorce, nothing traumatic happened, or any other crazy scenario. We just knew we needed growth in our relationship. It was definitely nerve-wracking the first time we went, especially when we had to sign paperwork in case anything shared in our sessions had to be discussed if we went to divorce court. I literally laughed when she said “divorce court” and thought maybe we didn’t need to be there because we were no where near that point, but I was so wrong. We needed this.
our experience
We never went to pre-marital counseling so this was the first time we were talking with a, un-biased, third party about our relationship. At first, we were hesitant to share details inside our marriage, but we seriously love our therapist and look forward to going to each session.
We have the normal struggles. Money, a head-strong wife, an analytical husband, and the usual growing pains of being a young, married, couple in student debt. It’s not always rainbows and sunshine, but it’s truly what you make it.
Like everyone else, we’ve had really bad days and really good ones. There was just a point in our marriage that we hit and it was like a fork in the road. We talked about how we could totally see how people give up and get divorced at that point, or how we could take the other route and make our marriage last a lifetime.
takeaways
We’ve learned so much through our sessions, but new ways of communication have changed the game for us both. It’s so refreshing and empowering to learn something, take it home, put it to use, and see the benefits your relationship reaps from it.
I totally get why people don’t talk about this subject. It’s personal and who wants to open themselves up for people to judge what goes on inside their marriage? Everyone has had experiences in life that make them the way they are. Pair that with merging your life with another human, the pressures of society, comparing yourself to everyone else, and trying to figure out growing up while still being the best spouse. With little guidance. It’s hard as hell. Every single marriage/relationship is so different, so there’s no guide to follow, no book to read, no perfect answer to every question.
The only thing you can do is try. Try your hardest, try to listen, try to grow, try to learn, and show your partner that you are trying. If it means stepping outside your comfort zone, putting your pride aside, and putting in effort, just do it. If your partner is a real partner, they will do the same.
Thankfully, I have the perfect partner in Jackson. Before we were even married, he told me he would always do what he could to be the best husband and he has definitely kept his promise.
By sharing our story and giving y’all a look inside our marriage, we want other young couples to know that marriage counseling isn’t shameful. It isn’t a punishment or a last resort. Find someone that you both feel comfortable with and put your all into it. Your marriage will thank you for it.
cheers,
caitlin